The Skirted Table

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It's a new liking for me, but these days I am a pretty big fan of the skirted table. The number one reason I like it is because you can make the ugliest piece of old furniture look fantastic with minimal effort. I have a client in Boston right now that is probably the most traditional client I have yet to work with. They invested some money in few new, larger pieces of furniture, so we are being creative with some of the accent pieces to preserve the budget. We found a sofa table on Craig's List for $15 and today I am picking up a custom table skirt that we will cover it with. Come back later to see the before and after.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 4

Unrelated Note: New England falls are the best!

First of all, I apologize that this is two days late! Life has been crazy and after a great church sermon on Sunday, I decided to prioritize actually slowing down and spending some time with the Lord over blogging. So it's taken me a couple of days to get this one up.

The more I read, the more I believe, this is the best Christian book I have ever read. This chapter brushed on several different aspects of how we must get to know ourselves before we can truly know and be in relationship with God. We must be aware of own uniqueness and cherish that God made each of us who we are for a reason. Everyone was created with different emotions, different personalities, different backgrounds, and different struggles. It is easy to become engrossed with jealousy in a society like ours that puts so much value on material goods and a comfortable life style. The "American Dream" tells us that we deserve these things, that we have some how earned these things and this lifestyle. And when we see other's with more than us we say "that's not fair." But who's rules are we living by? Who says what's fair? Basically it comes down to one thing, am I living for man and the things of this world or am I living for God and his promise of something better?

The author introduces us to Murray Bowen in Chapter 4. Bowen is credited with coining the word "differentiation", which is a person's capacity to "define his or her own life's goals and values apart from the pressures of those around them." There are four categories.

0-25
Can't distinguish between fact and feeling
Emotionally needy and highly reactive to others
Much of life and energy spent in winning the approval of others
Little energy for goal-directed activities
Can't say, "I think...I believe..."
Little emotional separation from their families
Dependent marital relationships
Do very poorly in transitions, crisis, and life adjustments
Unable to see where they end and others begin

25-50
Some ability to distinguish between fact and feeling
Most of self is a "false self" and reflected from others
When anxiety is low, they function relatively well
Quick to imitate others and change themselves to gain acceptance from others
Often talk one set of principles/ beliefs, yet do another
Self-esteem soars with compliments or is crushed by criticism
Become anxious (i.e., highly reacting and "freaking out") when a relationship systems falls apart or becomes unbalanced
Often make poor decisions due to their inability to think clearly under stress
Seek power, honor, knowledge, and love from others to clothe their false selves

50-75
Aware of the thinking and feeling functions that work as a team
Reasonable level of "true self"
Can follow life goals that are determined from within
Can state beliefs calmly without putting others down
Marriage is a functioning partnership where intimacy can be enjoyed without losing the self
Can allow children to progress through developmental phases into adult autonomy
Function well- alone or with others
Able to cope with crisis without falling apart
Stay in relational connection with others without insisting they see the world the same way

75-100 (few people function this way)
Is principal oriented and goal directed- secure in who they are, unaffected by criticism or praise
Is able to leave family of origin and become and inner-directed, separate adult
Sure of their beliefs but not dogmatic or closed in their thinking
Can hear and evaluate beliefs of others, discarding old beliefs in favor of new ones
Can listen without reacting and communicate without antagonizing others
Can respect others without having to change them
Aware of dependence on others and responsibility for others
Free to enjoy life and play
Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of stress and pressure
Able to take responsibility for their own destiny and life

I can pretty  much highlight most of the statements in the first and second category for myself. Kind of scary, but amazingly revealing. Can a human being ever be 100% unaffected by criticism or praise? What do you think?

DIY list

I love this unique version of the ole' zig zag. Probably can't use contact paper.

I showed this credenza image to one of my clients and we both agreed that the mirror is awesome. The mirror is not for sale. I want to make one and get someone to tell me something Italian and romantic to write on it.

I still want to paint a full wall with chalkboard paint. This is one of my most favorite casual dining rooms.

And someone needs to snatch THIS off of Craig's List STAT! It's only $150! And have it painted to look like THIS $1,000 crib. Would something like this be safe? I do not have a baby, mommas please chime in.

Have a great weekend!

images: AT, unknown, dining room photos, CL

I LOVE FALL

the end

Hook It Up

Last week I was making a mad dash through IKEA before a client meeting and spotted these little hooks on display. Mr. Sabbe has been requesting coat hooks by the door since we moved to Boston. I have been politely ignoring him. As a designer I try to ride the line right down the middle on form versus function. In our last apartment you walked directly into our living room and it was just not my cup of tea to have 4 poofy jackets hanging in my living room 24/7. In our new place you walk directly into a long hallway. At first it seemed like wasted space, but over time I really like the idea of having this "walk off" area before you actually enter any of our main living spaces. So I folded and bought the man some hooks and to my surprise, I like them very, very much.

 I love anything lined up in a neat little row.

Man, that green living room sure does make the hallway look drab. We might have to do something about that. He owes me for the hooks:)

Girlfriends

Camilla posted some vintage family photos today and it got me thinking of one that I picked up during a visit to Michigan to see my husband's family. Mr. Sabbe's Aunt Irene was one of those older ladies who was ready to go. Her husband died years earlier and during our 2 hour visit, she tried relentlessly to make me take home anything from porcelain statues to wood end tables, determined she would die at any moment. The one thing I did end up with was a stack of vintage photos. The one above is one of my favorites. Irene is the one in the top left, other than that I do not know any of the other ladies. But I love this photo, there is such a story to be told.

These women worked together on a boat, I believe it was during WWII. I remember looking at this photo, I was 24 years old, and thinking Irene was very close to my age. I don't know what it was, but it was so surreal for me to look at this image, which I could totally imagine being me and my girlfriends, and understand that in this photo was a young woman who was now an old lady, ready to die. Do old photos ever get you thinking about the brevity of youth?

Our Newest Hood

We've been in Fenway for over four months now and while I miss being two steps from everything, I am loving our new neighborhood. We live on a street that must be the easiest street in the entire city of Boston to find a parking spot, no joke, I'm parked right in front of our building as we speak. Our front windows look right out onto the Emerald Necklace and I can basically throw a rock and hit Mr. Sabbe's hospital. We love it. Last week we took a little photo walk to capture some bits and pieces of Fenway.

 I sent in my application today to become a city farmer! The Victory Gardens are about 2 blocks from our house. I joked with my former co-workers, when we decided to move out here, that I was moving out to the burbs. I was being a little melodramatic, it's barely a mile away from our last apartment. Boston is so tiny it messes up your perception on distance. Did you know you can fit the entire Boston proper inside of Central Park? At least that's what someone told me.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 3

This chapter had unique timing for me. For the past week or so my mind has been spinning non stop. I have had very few moments where I have been still with God and let him speak to me. I have run, run, run and as I sat down to read this afternoon, my mind was in a constant struggle to stay focused. I am so wordly, I think about worldy things 99% of my waking hours and reflect on God the other 1%. Even at church I am constantly fighting my mind from thinking about one of my projects, or something I have to do in class this week. It's no wonder that I am constantly frazzled.

In this Chapter Scazerro adds another level to our journey towards emotionally healthy spirituality, the practice of contemplation. "Francies de Sale describes it as the mind's loving, unmixed, permanent attention to the things of God." Unmixed and permanent...not two words I would use to describe my daily interaction with God. It basically comes down to the fact that walking with God is not just doing, it's also being. The being part is the hardest for me. A couple of years ago I was in a bible study that read a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. Great book! Maybe we could go through that one next. No suprise, I am a Martha. I would venture to say that 90% of bloggers are probably Marthas. Who actually has time to write a blog? I bet before we all started writing blogs we already felt like we could use an extra 3 hours in the day to get things done. I never would have thought 5 years ago that I would be giving one of those hours to blog writing or reading. I did not even know what a blog was 5 years ago. But here I am, having made a choice. But I will tell you, every morning I sit down to write or read a blog post before I have spent any time with the Lord, I hear a voice in the back of my head saying "When are you going to choose Me first?" and the reality of how wordly I really am sets in and terrifies me.

He first reviews the characteristics of Emotional Health

• I break free to live in truth. I stop pretending to myself, to others, and to God about what is truly taking place inside me.
• I break free by choosing to live the unique live God has given me. I no longer live the lie of someone else's life or journey.
• I break free by acknowledging my brokenness and vulnerability rather than trying to cover them over. I rediscover God's mercy and grace.
• I break free from the need to attach myself to accomplishments, things, or people's approval to feel okay about myself. I experience the gift of being God's child.
• I break free from the generational patterns of my family and culture that negatively shape how I relate and live today.
• I break free from the illusion that there is something richer, more beautiful, than the gift of loving and being loved.

Then he add the qualities of Contemplative Spirituality

• I break free, on a new level, from layers of my "false self" that I am shedding so that my authentic self in Christ might emerge.
• I break free by realizing things are not as they appear to be. The idols in my life are smashed as the illusion of what they promised is exposed. I get perspective on my life in Christ over and against success defined by the world.
• I break free from the illusion that I will live forever. Contemplative spirituality keeps the shortness of my earthly life as well as the reality of eternity before me each day.
• I break free from selfish desires that consistently move me away from God to do my own will, not his.

It's about being half and half, a balance between doing and being. I am pretty self aware, but most of the time that does not call me to action. I dream of the serenity Mary had as she sat at Jesus' feet. My body is there, but I know there is a lot of world I am going to have to shed before my heart and mind are going to be able to join us. How about you?

Puma Fenway

Right around the corner from our apartment there lives a stack of shipping crates that are being transformed into a permanent structure to house a retail space and event center for Puma. It's pretty slow in the making and rumor has it the economy did not spare this project when she tore through the architectural world. But I am inspired every time I walk past it to think a bit more outside the box, no pun intended. I cannot wait to see how they finish out the interior.

Juxtapose

First of all, how delicious is that quilted chair!? Who would have thought that it lived next door to a barcelona chair. And how about that 19th century secretary!? Yum. Yum. and Yum

New England Home

Live Free or Die

Is that not the funniest state slogan ever. Mr. Sabbe and I woke up this past Saturday and decided to head to the White Mountains in New Hampshire. I asked him what the plan was and he said "we could hike, or we could ride the tram to the top"...I raised my hand for tram. I wasn't feeling up for a repeat of last year's blizzard trek. The tram was crowded and felt very touristy, but when we got to the top and it was a brisk 20 degrees, I was glad we had the option to grab a hot cocoa and head back down at our leisure.

 Day trips with this boy scout are the best.

DIY Ottoman: Phase 2

Remember the storage ottoman I started a couple of months ago? Well step one was easy. Step two (upholstery) proved to be a little more challenging. My first attempt was with a faux white leather. It looked terrible, too thick. I added buttons to the top, terrible. After looking and looking for an alternative, I finally came upon this orange bamboo fabric in the $5 section at Freddy Farkles. I thought it would work for the meantime. Now that I've got it on there I actually really like it. Mr. Sabbe likes it too. He keeps saying "it's so much cozier in here" and I remind him that the difference between a raw plywood box and an upholstered plywood box in your living room can be quite transforming.

The corners are still not my fave, but I'm not up for a third try any time soon. Mr. Sabbe added those slider things to the bottom of the feet, which are also not my fave, but he's cautious like that and I love him for it.The best thing is, our entire guest bedroom fits inside. All for less than $50.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 2

If you are reading along, I just want to say, does it not feel like these chapters are written directly to you? That is exactly how they are for me. This second chapter dealt with the top ten symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. The author begins with a story about a friend who describes himself as being a one-year-old Christian twenty-two times. I became a Christian when I was in the second grade and I have definitely had my highs and lows along the way. But the story made me think, am I still the same Christian I was when I was 7 years old, on repeat for the past 22 years?


Scazzero also brings up in the introduction, "Why is it that so many Christians make such lousy human beings?" I remember one comment someone said to me that will always haunt me. Up until I moved to Boston I would say that I was pretty driven when it came to my sector of the professional world. I happened to work at two very large corporate design firms during my first 5 years out of school and the idea of climbing the corporate ladder was something that very much enticed me. I knew my path and I was on it. The thing I did not realize was in my effort to climb to the top, every morning when I got to the office I was checking Jesus at the door. Now in the afternoon I would pick him back up, go home to make dinner for my husband, and attend my weekly bible study. But from 8-5, I was doing it on my own and it showed. I said whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and thought people should just "deal with it." I criticized people behind their backs if I felt their designs were not up to par. I was jealous if someone got a project I thought I should have. I gossiped....oh did I gossip. One day I was carrying a coffee mug that I had received from a church Bryan and I had visited, it had a bible verse on the side. One of my co-workers saw me drinking out of the mug and walked over and said "Oh, you're a Christian, I never would have guessed that." Wow! and he was right. If I was looking at me from the outside I don't think I would have thought I was a Christian either. How had I been a Christian for 25 years and still continued to be such a lousy human being?

The top ten signs of emotionally unhealthy spirituality are laid out as:

1. Using God to run from God
2. Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness, and fear
3. Dying to the wrong things
4. Denying the past's impact on the present
5. Dividing our lives into "secular" and "sacred" compartments
6. Doing for God instead of being with God
7. Spiritualizing away conflict
8. Covering brokenness, weakness, and failure
9. Living without limits
10. Judging other people's spiritual journey

I think the best part of this chapter is how in several instances the author uses very popular scripture to show us how even the apostles fell into some of the categories above. For instance, Luke 9:23 says "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." He says most people, including me in some ways, feel this verse means "The more miserable you are, the more you suffer, the more God loves you. Disregard your unique personhood; it has no place in God's kingdom." Have you ever looked at someone else and thought "Their Christian walk is so easy." I remember thinking this a lot in middle and high school. I would think because girls were exceptionally pretty or naturally popular that they did not feel the same day to day struggle I did to "fit in" and therefore did not have to deal with peer pressure, etc. I would also be jealous of the girls who were naturally quite and submissive because I have always been loud and impulsive and it was constantly getting me into trouble. I thought "If I were quite, I would be a better Christian." Scazzero elaborates by saying that we are supposed to die to the sinful parts of who we are when we accept Christ- such as defensiveness, arrogance, and hypocrisy, but we are not called to die to the "good" parts of who we are. God made me a very outgoing, sociable person, and while there are still many instances that I do not use that to glorify him, I am not afraid to share the gospel with anyone who will sit still long enough for me to get it out. I love talking about the Lord. He's my favorite thing to gossip about. And for once my gossip is for good.

Another verse this chapter discusses is 2 Corinthians 5:17 where coming to faith is described as "the old has gone, the new has come!" I have always struggled with this one as well. Why doesn't life always feel new? Why am I still haunted by things from my past? Scazzaro says "The work of growing in Christ, or sanctification, does not mean we don't go back to the past as we press ahead to what God has for us. It actually demands we go back in order to break free from unhealthy and destructive patterns that prevent us from living ourselves and others as God designed."

The last thing that really stuck with me was the "spiritualizing away conflict" section. Good Christians don't fight, right? They pray about it and then it's all better. Or they forgive each other and there is no lingering feelings of resentment, right? Wrong. Why do churches fall apart? They do. The elders of the church I grew up in dismissed the head pastor after he built the congregation, literally from 10 people in school gym to a mega church on it's own campus. Crazy things happen in the Christian world and "spiritualizing away conflict" does not work. Scazzaro tells us "Jesus shows that healthy Christians to not avoid conflict. His life was filled with it! He was in regular conflict with religious leaders, the crowds, the disciples- even his own family. Out of a desire to bring true peace, Jesus disrupted the false peace all around him. He refused to "spiritualize away" conflict."

What signs of being spiritually unhealthy really stuck out for you?

How have you addressed or overcome some of these areas to grow stronger in your walk with the Lord?

The Glider Search Continued...

As I have discussed before, my husband and I have a tiny apartment. The tiny apartment means there is only room for so much furniture. A "comfy" chair has been on his list since the day we bought our first house in Memphis. Four years later, still no chair. Last year I told him if we were smart we would get a chair that had a glide or rock function for the one day Baby Sabbe. It may sound weird, but when you are limited on square footage you have to buy furniture strategically. So we looked at a lot of very stylish, semi-comfy, modern gliders. But at $1000, we still have no chair.

A couple of days ago I was perusing the Wally World site after reading that was where Jenny had purchased Joanna's baby bed. And look what I found.

Not bad right? For $350, not bad at all!

It comes in black as well, both with matching ottomans.

Look at this great nursery someone posted in the ratings section.

 And they have a square arms option!

I really like the square arms one but that seat looks pretty narrow doesn't it? I hope our bottoms do not expand too much in the future, but again, we've got to plan ahead.

Drop Leaf Tables

I am currently working with a client who has inherited a great deal of furniture over the years from her grandmother. I am pretty into the whole "granny chic" look, so I have been really excited about mixing these pieces in with some newer pieces. Amongst the inherited furniture, she has a drop leaf table. If you asked me a couple of months ago my thoughts on drop leaf tables I probably would not have had much to say. But coincidentally, when we moved into our new apartment, Mr. Sabbe and I sold our large rectangular table and purchased this little table.

And what I have learned is, drop leaf tables are fantastic for tiny apartments. We still have 4 folding chairs, from our previous table, that we keep in a closet. But if we have company and need more seating room we can fold down the leafs, push the table against the wall and sit out the chairs. Flexible furniture is great.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 1

I just want to start by saying that I am so excited about each and every woman that has decided to join me to go through the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. I don't know about you guys, but I found this first chapter to be incredibly revealing and cannot wait to delve deeper into the book. I would also like to say that throughout this series I plan to be very transparent with my own life and spiritual journey. If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and insight in the comments section of this blog, please do so. If you would like to email me personally to discuss anything this book brings about, I would love that. If you just want to read along silently, that would be perfectly fine as well. I am just happy you are joining us and am excited to see where the book takes us!


An illustration was given in chapter one that compares individuals to an iceberg. Only 10 percent of what makes up an iceberg is actually visible. The other 90 percent is hidden below the water. I know many of us can relate to this, especially those of us who have been involved in the church for some time. The questions like "How are you this week?" and you answer "Fine." or the call goes out for anyone who needs prayer and you sit quietly with your hands folded in your lap, ready to pray openly for anyone but yourself. I am the number one guilty person of these types of responses. Why? Because although I have openly confessed that I am a sinner, who can only be saved through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, I don't really want you to know how bad of a sinner I really am. Why? Because although I proclaim Christ is all that I need, 90 percent of the time I living my life for man. I want to be liked. And at the end of the day, I keep everything on the surface because if I told you too much about what's under the water, you might not like me anymore.

So, in an effort to be transparent and encourage you to do the same, here is a breakdown of some of the components that would make up my iceberg.

What about you? I found this exercise to be a very good starting point. Here is a blank sheet if you would like to fill one out for yourself.

I found the author's re-occurring theme of "you have to look back in order to look forward" very interesting, especially when he describes his father saying "The way he functioned as a father, husband, and employee reflected his culture and family of origin rather than the new family of Jesus."

How do you define yourself?

I remember one thing that always bugged me during sorority rush in college. They would flash a girl's photo on a projection screen and in support of this girl someone would shout out "she comes from a good family." I know what it meant in that setting, but what exactly does that mean? I think it's wonderful when children are given the opportunity to grow up financially stable, with both their mother and father, in a Christian home. But far too often this is not the case. This was not the case for me. My parents divorced when I was in the first grade. And I love my earthly family very much. But in the fourth grade, I prayed to become a Christian and joined my new family of Jesus. I would like to raise my hand for myself and say, "I come from a good family."

I have heard the same type of phrasing is used when Christian leaders are mentoring young adults on finding a spouse. Does he/she come from a good family? What does that mean? Shouldn't the questions be "Does he/she love Jesus." Did Joseph come from a good family? The Joseph whose brothers thought it would be a good idea to sell him into slavery and pretend he died. The same Joseph whose father had 12 children by four different women. Joseph was falsely accused of rape. He was imprisoned for over 10 years. But did Joseph let his worldly circumstance, his family, or the way people viewed him define who he was? No! He concludes Genesis by saying " You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Genesis 50:20

Where has God brought you?

Are you at a level of spiritual maturity to be able to recognize that even the most seemingly senseless pain we endure can be for the glory of the kingdom? I will admit, I do not have this one down yet. Scazzero explains that "pain has an amazing ability to open us to new truth and get us moving." I have experienced immense pain this year with the loss of my younger brother, the destruction of my childhood home, and most recently the death of our first born {cat} child. And there have been moments where I just want to lay down, throw up my hands, and accept defeat. Scazzero says "the sad reality is that most of us will not go forward until the pain of staying where we are is unbearable." I'm there. I'm ready.

What about you?